Work Daze: How to hop, skip and jump your way to success

Bob Goldman 

Really, I don’t know what’s wrong with young people today.

Give a 20- or 30-something a horrible job with a terrible boss and a miserable salary and a zero-point-zero chance for promotion, and what will they do? They will quit!

That’s right! They will pack up their backpacks and back out the door, smiling.

It’s outrageous, really. When you had a horrible, terrible, miserable job, you didn’t quit. You stuck it out. You were an idiot, but you were loyal.

You were also terrified. Having the reputation — and the resume — of job skipper was a{mprestriction ids="1,3"} sign of bad character, or worse. No decent company would want to have anything to do with a job-hopping philanderer looking to hook up with the first good-looking salary bump that came along.

Interestingly, employers still feel the same way. According to “For Younger Workers, Job Hopping Has Lost Its Stigma. Should It?” a recent article in The New York Times by Eilene Zimmerman, 77 percent of hiring managers surveyed by Robert Haft named job hopping as a “top concern when evaluating a candidate’s resume.”

“It’s a huge headache for employers,” explained Jeff Hyman, chief executive of Recruit Rockstars. “When promising employees leave prematurely, others may wonder why or follow suit.”

Still, the suits are following suit. The sweatpants, too. As companies get kudos for mass layoffs, younger workers have realized there’s something inherently wack in a work environment where quitting is evil, but firing is fine and dandy. As result, they’re heading for the nearest exit.

Yes, the young’uns are looking for greener pastures, with a lot less to mow. They also want to learn new skills and maybe, just maybe, create a job of their own making, where they control their own career destinies.

Can you blame them?

“Employees feel they have lost what they were getting, which was job security,” says Jessica Kriegel, a chief scientist at Culture Partners. As result, many workers “eschew company loyalty in favor of career development — and, potentially, risk-taking.”

Eschew on that, Mr. and Ms. Hiring Manager.

Do you ever wonder if it makes sense to work at the same place, at the same pace, until you get that lavish retirement dinner at Applebee’s? Let’s explore four what-ifs, the better to answer to the musical question posed by those workplace experts, The Clash: “Should I stay or should I go?”

No. 1: If your manager doesn’t know your name — STAY

Just because you’re still “whatchacallem” after working at a job for two or 10 years, that’s not a negative. When management is making up their quarterly “Let’s-fire-a-whole-bunch-of-people-who-aren’t-us-who-we-shouldn’t-have-hired-in-the-first-place-Wall-Street-loves-that-stuff” list, being forgettable and forgotten could save your life — and your paycheck.

No. 2: If you keep getting promotions and raises — GO

Considering the paucity of your productivity and your lack of leadership ability, any company that rewards you in any fashion is destined to crash and burn. Better get out before total meltdown. You’ll need time to find another job with a different doomed company where management has no idea what they are doing.

No. 3: If your co-workers are leaving in droves — STAY

From the top to the bottom of the org chart, the rats are deserting the ship. And what do you see when you see a sea of empty desks? You see opportunity. With fewer managers and minimal competition, your contributions to the company, puny as they may be, are sure to stand out. Best of all, you’ll be on hand to pick up great deals when the liquidators come to auction off the office furniture (that genuine pleather couch in the reception area will be a great place to snooze when you come home from the unemployment office).

No. 4: If changing jobs will allow you to learn new skills — STAY

Ask yourself: Do you really want to learn new skills? You already have all the skills you need, like the skill of going home early without anyone seeing you leave, and the skill of always having someone to blame when you screw up a major project.

Hopefully, these what-ifs will be helpful, but if you do find yourself contemplating a job change, forget a hop, skip and a jump. Instead, consider a stoop, slouch and a snooze.
You’ll probably end up making the wrong decision, anyway, and it’s a lot more relaxing.

Bob Goldman was an advertising executive at a Fortune 500 company. He offers a virtual shoulder to cry on at bob@bgplanning.com.

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